


All of Me

by shell_mel



Series: Love Makes You Stupid [3]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: All of Me, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, John Legend, M/M, Relationship Problems, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:25:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5996776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shell_mel/pseuds/shell_mel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been stupid, even by Roy’s definition of stupid. It wasn’t their first fight and it probably wouldn’t be their last. Roy wasn’t sure how it started, but it had ended badly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All of Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CassidyFisher415](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassidyFisher415/gifts).



> Warning: Mentions of death of children
> 
> A Roy/Ed fic for valentines. Not as happy as previous fics in this series, but I feel it's a true reflection of a relationship. They have their happy moments and ones where rock bottom would feel better then where they are now.
> 
> This fic is for CassidyFisher415 who suggested the song and really motivated me to write it. I really hope you like it and was what you had in mind and that I didn't take it down a completely sad path. I had already been thinking about it. Namely because when I hear "My head’s under water, but I’m breathing fine”, I actually hear fire instead of fine. And have always thought of Roy and Ed with this song.
> 
> Lyrics from John Legend's song 'All of Me' are italicize. Not mine, just used in this story. Same of Roy and Ed are sadly not mine. Happy Valentines Day everyone!

It had been stupid, even by Roy’s definition of stupid. It wasn’t their first fight and it probably wouldn’t be their last. Roy wasn’t sure how it started, but it had ended badly. Ed had come home in the foulest of moods. It wasn’t really a surprise considering his mission had gone badly. Many children were dead and it had cut Ed to the core.

Roy had a lovely dinner planned, to try and lift his lover’s spirits. After all his informants had told him, he knew Ed would need his support. So how had the best of intentions ended with him storming out? Letting slip that he knew more than he should have about the mission’s details? Alerting Ed to the fact that Roy had him followed whenever possible? This all leading to Ed jumping to the idea that Roy didn’t trust him to look after himself despite the fact he wasn’t even under Roy’s command anymore.

Ed had bolted upstairs before Roy had left, yelling loudly about his intentions of leaving. Roy had shouted back that he need not bother before he slammed the door on the way out. Many hours later after a few too many drinks at a dingy bar Roy stumbled home.

It was well and truly after midnight at this point. With clumsy fingers, Roy dug around his pockets trying to find his keys. It was only when he came up empty that he realised that he had never taken them with him when he left. Roy grimaced at the idea he might have to wake Ed to get into the house. There was always the option of alchemy, but Roy tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. Normally, Ed locked the door when Roy left to go drinking after a fight.

Quietly, Roy pushed the door open. He was relieved when he didn’t see a small blond figure sitting on the stairs waiting for him as he often had in the past. Ed never had been very good at letting things lie after a fight and would normally wait to confront him when he got home. Not tonight. Then again, Ed had been exhausted from his mission. Perhaps he had simply alchemised the bedroom door shut instead. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Shutting the door and toeing out of his boots, Roy made his way to the kitchen. The dinner was still on the table, untouched and cold. Roy sighed. He had made stew, knowing how much Ed loved it. To think Ed hadn’t even had any since Roy left made him feel bad. His informant, the inn keeper of the tavern Ed had stayed at, had mentioned how little Ed had eaten during his stay. Especially once the mission was complete. It worried Roy when Ed, a renowned bottomless pit, wasn’t eating.

Roy had a large glass of water before he quietly made his way upstairs. He winced as the stairs groaned at his ascent. He really didn’t want to wake Ed. The bags under his lover’s eyes had spoken volumes about the lack of sleep Ed had been getting while he was away.

It came as a surprise to find the bedroom door slightly ajar when Roy reached the top of the stairs. Curiously, Roy peeked through the gap. Normally he would sleep in the spare room after a fight if Ed wasn’t up when he came home. However, he always stopped to check in on Ed before going to the spare room. Providing he could open the door.

A sense of dread overcame Roy, sobering him quickly when he couldn’t see Ed nestled in the sheet of the bed. Quickly, Roy pushed the door open and looked around the room. The bed was exactly the same as he had left it this morning. The only difference for the room now was that Ed had obviously been throwing clothes around the room. It was the only clue that Ed had even been up here at all since he had gotten back.

Roy quickly moves to check the bathroom that connected to the bedroom, but that too is empty. Without a care for being quiet anymore, Roy runs to check the spare room and study. They are also empty.

“Ed?” Roy calls out to the empty house. “Edward?”

As he continued to check the house, he discovered Ed’s suitcase was gone, his keys were still here and there was no note. Sometimes, if Ed was going to leave for a few days after a fight, there would be a note explaining that he would be back, just wanted to be alone. There was nothing this time.

Roy sat down feeling cold as the truth hit him and hit him hard.

Ed was gone.

 

* * *

 

It was hours of searching before Roy finally managed to find Ed. It was his worst fear that Ed would check himself into a hotel or be at the train station waiting for the first train to Risembool. Every place available for board that was still open said they had not seen someone fitting Ed’s description. The train station was empty, giving Roy hope that Ed was somewhere in the city still.

It only occurred to him when he drove past the Central Library Branch that Ed always felt safest in a library. There was only one library that Ed had unrestricted access to and had snuck into after closing hours on a regular basis when he was younger. That was here.

 

* * *

 

It shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it had to find Ed surrounded by books down one of the aisles of the library. Though, it did surprise him how little attention Ed was paying the books. Ed was on the floor, sitting with his back leaning on a bookcase with a book loosely held in his hands while he stared straight ahead. His suitcase was laying down not too far away against a book shelf, suggesting Ed had used it to get a book that was slightly too high for him to reach.

Roy took a moment to take in Ed’s appearance. He was obviously exhausted. The black under Ed’s eyes was too pronounced and his eyes closed often and were slow to open again. His hair seemed oily and unwashed. Roy hadn’t noticed earlier how dull it looked compared to its normal shine and colour. There was also the fact that he looked miserable.

“Ed?” Roy said quietly as he approached.

Ed jumped, obviously startled by Roy’s sudden appearance. He blinked a few times at Roy before giving him a very tired glare.

“Go away,” Ed growled. “I’m reading.”

Roy paused before sitting down near Ed.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Roy told him.

“Why not?” Ed snorted. “You seemed perfectly happy with being away from me before.”

“Edward,” Roy sighed for a moment. “I didn’t come here to fight you. I was worried when I came home and you weren’t there.”

“Who have you got following me now?” Ed snapped.

“No one,” Roy told him honestly. “I never have someone following you. Just someone who tells me you got there safely, that you came back every night and weren’t hurt in someone’s basement. I worry about you. A lot.”

“Don’t know why you bother,” Ed sighed.

“It might have a little something to do with the fact I love you,” Roy whispered.

Ed went very still.

“But…” Ed frowned. “I’m a fuck up.”

Normally, Ed exuded confidence. He was sure of himself, his actions and place in the world. There were times when Ed had some doubts, especially when it came to his appearance. It was no surprise really considering all he had been through. However, when things went bad like that had during the mission and how dinner went, Ed was often very quick to turn to putting himself down.

“ _What would I do without your smart mouth_?” Roy moved closer to Ed. “You’re not a fuck up. I know I can be a little overprotective. I can’t help it. You’re _drawing me in_ all the time, _and_ then _you’re kicking me out_ when you seem to need a little help the most.”

“I’m not a little kid who needs protecting anymore,” Ed looked at Roy. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” Roy confessed as placed his hand on top of Ed’s. “I know. I really do. The missions they’ve been sending you on… They’re not good for you. I think you should consider leaving the military.”

“And do what?” Ed snapped as he pulled his hand away. “Be your fucking house pet?”

“No,” Roy shook his head. “ _You’ve got my head spinning, no kidding._ You would never be content to stay at home. I’m not an idiot. _I can’t pin you down_. You would never be happy like that. I know you love to travel and I would never force you to stop.”

“You’re heads spinning from the drinking,” Ed crossed his arms as he leaned back.

“I haven’t had a drink in hours,” Roy told him honestly. “I have been too busy looking for you. Do you know what time it is?”

“You better not have been driving under the influence,” Ed glared at him. “You know I hate it when you do that.”

“I know,” Roy confessed. “But I was too worried about you. You didn’t leave a note.”

Ed just shrugged and went silent as he looked away.

“ _What’s going on in that beautiful mind_?” Roy tried to catch Ed’s eye again.

Ed just shrugged again as he closed his eyes.

“Whatever happens,” Roy promised. “ _I’m on your magical mystery ride_. Whatever you do. Even if you continue taking missions or want to try something else.”

“Being with me you’re more likely to get whiplash,” Ed muttered.

“ _And I’m so dizzy_ ,” Roy continued. “ _Don’t know what hit me, but I’ll be alright_. You know why? I’m with you. I’m always alright with you.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Ed whispered, his voice sounding strained. “A fucking idiot.”

“Your idiot,” Roy reminded him. “If you’ll still have me. I love you Ed.”

“This is so fucking stupid,” Ed covered his eyes with his hand. “Why you would want this is beyond me.”

“Don’t you?” Roy asked.

Ed was shaking slightly. It took a moment for Roy to realise Ed was crying. Ed rarely cried. It had been a very long time since Roy had witnessed it. The first time since their relationship had begun. It was a testament to how tired and hurt Ed was by the situation and their fight.

“I do,” Ed sobbed quietly. “This is so fucking stupid. Just leave me alone. I’ll come home in a few hours.”

Roy did the opposite. Instead, he moved closer and wrapped his arm around Ed and pulled him into a hug.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Roy told him. “I shouldn’t have left earlier when I had. I’m sorry, Ed.”

“I don’t want you to see this!” Ed cried out as he pulled away slightly.

“How many times do I have to tell you,” Roy held Ed in place. “ _Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful too_.”

“Full of shit,” Ed sobbed. “Sappy shit. How do you put up with my shit?”

“You care so much for people,” Roy rubbed Ed’s back. “ _The world is beating you down_. I’m here for you. I’m always here for you. _I’m around through every mood_.”

“But you left,” Ed reminded him. “You went out drinking.”

“I know,” Roy pulled Ed closer and rested his head on Ed’s. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left. In some weird way I thought it might stop you leaving. If I was out the house, it meant you would stay and get some rest. You looked so tired, love.”

“I am,” Ed admitted. “I’m so tired, but every time I close my eyes I see them. Those kids.”

Roy hushed Ed.

“It’ll be okay,” Roy assured Ed. “You did your best. You always do your best, Ed.”

“But-“ Ed started.

“No, Ed.” Roy interrupted. “No buts. You do so much for this world. I’m so lucky to have you.”

“Sappy shit,” Ed repeated.

“Your sappy shit,” Roy reminded him before he started talking a little more rhythmically. “ _You’re my downfall, you’re my muse. My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues_.”

“You’re singing,” Ed smiled a little.

“ _I can’t stop singing_ ,” Roy continued. “ _It’s ringing, in my head for you_.”

“You’d stop if I put your head in a bucket of water,” Ed joked.

“Then _my head’s under water_ ,” Roy kissed Ed’s head. “ _But I’m breathing fine_.”

“ _You’re crazy and I’m out of my mind_ ,” Ed wiped his face with his hand.

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Roy said honestly. “Ed, I’m going to ask you something very crazy, but hear me out.”

Ed frowned at him.

“Stop trying to hide part of yourself away,” Roy told him. “ _Give me all of you_. Not just the parts you think would make me happy.”

“I don’t hide,” Ed growled.

“You do, Ed.” Roy touched Ed’s cheek. “You give me your love, your attention and happiness. However, when things go wrong, you like to pretend everything is still okay. Like you want to protect me from all you feel. Don’t do that, Ed. I can weather the storm.”

Ed didn’t say anything, he just leaned against Roy.

“Even when you growl and shout,” Roy stroked Ed’s hair again. “Kick and scream. The _cards on the table_ , and _we’re both showing hearts_. We’re _risking it all, though it’s hard_.”

“You still want to after all I said to you today?” Ed whispered.

“Yes,” Roy confirmed.

“Why?” Ed asked.

“You shouldn’t have to ask,” Roy sighed. “ _Cause all of me loves all of you_. _Love your curves and all your edges_. No matter how sharp your edges are.”

Ed clicked his metal hand. Roy wrapped his hand around Ed’s.

“ _All your perfect imperfections_ ,” Roy whispered. “When I say all of you, I mean it.”

“They’re mistakes,” Ed whispered.

“Not to me,” Roy brought the hand up and kissed it. “Not to me.”

Ed looked at Roy.

“Edward,” Roy kissed Ed’s forehead. “I’m yours forever. Will you be mine forever? _Give your all to me. I’ll give my all to you. You’re my end and my beginning. Even when I lose I’m winning_.”

“Roy,” Ed reached up and stroked Roy’s face. “I can only give you half of me. It’s only fair that you can only give me half. Half of my life for half of yours.”

“You’re whole, Ed.” Roy kissed Ed. “You’re whole. Your automail doesn’t make you less of a person. It never has and it never will. I’m not being sappy. This is nothing less than the truth ‘c _ause I give you all of me and you give me all of you_. You don’t realise it, but you do. In ever smile, in ever shout, in every growl. You’ve never been someone to do it anything halves.”

Ed’s eyes grew red again and tears gathered. He opened his mouth a few times, but he seemed unable to speak.

“Edward,” Roy said gently. “Will you at least come home?”

Ed nodded as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Roy gave Ed’s forehead another kiss before he got up and started to collect up the books. It wasn’t long before they had them all put away, but Roy did notice that Ed was dead on his feet.

“Let’s get out of here before the librarian finds us,” Roy smiled as he picked up Ed’s suitcase.

“What time is it?” Ed frowned before yawning.

“Just before six,” Roy said as he looked at his pocket watch.

“I need to report in in a few hours,” Ed groaned.

“You’re taking a personal day,” Roy told him as he steered him towards the exit. “We both are.”

Roy himself was tired with being up all night. So it was unlikely that he would be any good for work today. Plus it meant he could spend the day curled up with Ed. He wasn’t really seeing a downside so far. Ed didn’t argue. He just went where he was prodded until they were at the car. On the way home, Ed fell asleep in the car and Roy didn’t have the heart to wake him when they got home.

Quietly, Roy got out of the car with Ed’s suitcase. He unlocked the house, opened the bedroom door and pulled back the covers after setting the suitcase down. Then, he went back to the car to get Ed. Carefully, he opened the car door and gathered the sleeping alchemist into his arms. Ed’s head rested on his shoulder and he didn’t stir once on the way to the bedroom.

Laying Ed down gently, Roy went about removing Ed’s shoes. He took his time, taking just as much care with the left foot as he had done with the right. Socks came next, and then slacks. Ed mumbled something, but didn’t seem to fully wake up. Carefully, Roy eased Ed out of his jackets and shirt, but left him in his undershirt and boxers. The clothes were left on floor with the others Ed had been throwing around earlier.

Roy took a moment to tuck Ed in before heading down stairs. He made two phone calls. One to Riza, to inform her he wouldn’t be coming in today. She didn’t sound impressed with him. She had assumed it was due to Ed coming back last night and he was skipping work to be with him. Roy explained about what had happened during the mission and her demeanour soften. Riza gave Roy some well wishes to pass onto Ed before hanging up.

The other phone call was to Ed’s commanding officer. The news that Ed wasn’t going to be reporting in today was not met with the warmest of tones. Roy patiently explained Ed was taking a personal day for his wellbeing and would report in tomorrow. With some time and effort, Roy won the argument and hung up the phone. Though, he doubted this would be the last they would hear about this.

Finally, Roy was able to climb up the stairs once last time and head to bed. His clothes were discarded apart from his boxers and he joined Ed under the covers. It was only as Roy was starting to fall asleep; he heard a whisper from the blond next to him.

“ _I give you all of me_ ,” Ed said softly. “ _And you give me all of you_ , but we’re still going to talk about your obsession with knowing my every move while I’m away later.”

Roy smiled and wrapped his arms around Ed.

“Deal,” Roy whispered back as he placed a kiss on Ed’s temple. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” came the sleepy voice.

That was the last thing Roy heard before sleep finally managed to take him.


End file.
